Aspire - Leadership for the future

Three Self-Destructive Behaviours and How to Change Them

Too many women focus only on what they need to start doing in order to raise their professional profile. Making scintillating contributions in meetings, getting an audience with your boss’s boss, writing articles or books, speaking at a key event, getting featured in your company’s in-house publication, chairing committees, volunteering for extracurricular organizational activities, building strong internal and external networks, crafting a magic resume, using social media platforms wisely… the list of possible profile-raising “to-dos” is long and varied.

But before you embark on a flurry of activity, what about the things you must stop doing? Unless you alter your mindset by first deleting three key behaviors, all the magnificent steps you take to raise your profile will feel like pushing water uphill with a fork.

1. Delete “Me Me Me”

Most women I’ve worked with would run a mile from the idea of shameless, ego-stroking self-promotion. In fact, the horror of becoming like one of those (often very alpha male) colleagues who constantly hype how great they are is often what completely turns women off to taking active steps to raise their profile.

And absolutely—if self-promotion is only about building “Me Me Me” as a mini-celebrity, the lack of depth will be found out soon enough.

So actually, it’s about “We We We”—what’s in it for others? Be clear regarding what you’ve got to offer—what you are bringing to others and to your organization as your profile increases. Why do you want to raise your profile? You need a purpose or reason beyond yourself in order to achieve the greatest long-term professional impact and personal fulfillment.

As the media authority Richard Laermer put it in his recent Huffington Post article on the death of the Cult of Personality, “Smart execs and entrepreneurs aren't promoting themselves as big shots anymore; they're [creating] a profile and thus a market for their services. Demand is no longer centered principally on name recognition. Instead, it's steeped in new types of services and insight. Building awareness about your business, rather than yourself, is the newest way to drive deals.”

Dr. Samantha Collins, CEO of Aspire Coaching & Training, has found the key to raising her own and her company’s profile with integrity and authenticity is promotion with a purpose. “I personally spend a lot of time raising my own profile and that of Aspire. Why?” Dr. Collins asks. “Because it helps me to make more of a difference to women and do good work, and it’s nice to be recognized. The thing I’m always asking myself is ‘for the sake of…what?’ What do I want the bigger impact of my action to be?”

Whatever sector you work in, if you want your work to make a difference (and 79% of you say this is your top career motivator, according to Aspire 2009 research), if your profile isn’t particularly high, the amount of difference you can make probably won’t be as high as you would like either. An enhanced profile will give you an enhanced opportunity to make a difference—and achieving that profile starts with being very clear on your purpose beyond “Me Me Me.”

2. Delete Automatic Modesty

“That’s an excellent set of results for the last quarter,” says your boss.

“Oh…um…yes…I mean, it wasn’t just me of course. The team has been on fire recently. It was hardly me at all in fact, and…”

It’s so easy to automatically play yourself down (and then kick yourself two seconds later), and it’s something that women are particularly good (bad) at.

If deleting “Me Me Me” is about promoting more than just you, deleting automatic modesty is about nevertheless speaking up and making sure that your own contributions and achievements are known and recognized.

You certainly need to give credit to others—lavishly, where appropriate. However, balance the credit you give to others by giving yourself credit, too. Highlight your achievements and opinions with integrity and authority. Don’t expect others to “just notice,” because they probably won’t. Carnegie Mellon Economics Professor Linda Babcock notes in “Nice Girls Don’t Ask” (Harvard Business Review, October 2003) that “Women tend to assume that they will be recognized and rewarded for working hard and doing a good job. Unlike men, they haven’t been taught that they can ask for more.”

Aisling Burnand, a board director at the leading British charity, Cancer Research UK, is a team-player who has nevertheless become adept at using “I” as well as “We” in describing the achievements of her team. “Focus on communicating what you do personally know rather than all the things you don’t!” she suggests. “When I first joined Cancer Research UK, I found that even if I didn’t know everything about a topic or the ways of the organization, I could always say, ‘My opinion is…’, or ‘I’ve observed this…’. You can’t hide your light under a bushel—you’ve got to contribute.”

Decide what you want to be famous for among colleagues, bosses and friends. And this isn’t about Paris Hilton-style fake-fame. It’s about what you most want yourself, your team or your organization to be known or remembered for, what you want people to come to you for.

3. Delete Playing It Safe

For many women, this is the big one. Our natural relationship-building strength means we tend to want to please and be liked, which results in our playing it safe. But if you are too hooked on always needing a pat on the back from someone (usually a superior), or always taking the safest course of action, you won’t risk doing anything that might raise your own, your department’s or your organization’s profile unless you are sure how others will respond. Instantly, you create a stalemate. Since you can never fully predict what others will think, you end up taking no action, or the same old safe action.

So, deciding to raise your profile further means having the courage to stick your neck out and lead the charge. It means letting go of the safe, cozy corner. As Goethe famously said, "Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."

As you take steps to build your profile, you will quickly realize that you have left bland behind and entered a divisive world. Colleagues will love you, or they will hate you. People will know you and they will judge you. Some of those judgements will be fantastic, making your heart buzz and your energy soar. Others will be damning—personal, critical, stinging, making you want to crawl back under the bedcovers and hide. Nevertheless, allowing your belief in what you are doing to shine unfettered is absolutely key to raising your own or your company’s profile.

One way to let go of playing it safe is to ask yourself this simple question: Can I live without the approval of others? In fact, I’m asking that question right now as I write this article. It’s so easy to get sucked in to wondering what readers will make of me and what I’ve written—to be held back by saying the safe thing in order to liked. I catch myself quickly by asking, “Can I live without their approval?” And actually, when I really think about it, the answer is nearly always yes. Knowing this frees me to be more experimental. Of course, I want whatever I do to go down well. But asking this question reminds me that I can never control how other people react. All I can control is my own performance.

So try making Can I live without their approval? (just for now, just for this) the question you ask yourself whenever you embark on something to raise your profile. Nine times out of ten you, too, will probably answer yes.

But what if operating in the safe zone and wanting approval from others are tough habits for you to let go of? Jane Swift, a program director at British Telecom, suggests building up an “approval bank,”—a computer document into which you copy and paste any positive comments you get from others. Then, if (or when) you do something that doesn’t go down well with others, you’ll have a record of all the times people have supported and praised you to re-boot your confidence.

Now, What Do YOU Need to Delete?

Don’t get overwhelmed by the thought of having to swing into instant action with some kind of major profile-raising campaign. Take bite-size chunks—but do take at least a bite. Focus on increasing your profile with just a few key individuals within or outside of your organization. If you gain their respect, your profile will grow, your reputation will spread and you’ll find you are making even more of a difference.

Posted by Rebecca Hourston, Director of Programs on Tuesday, July 17, 2012
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